Day 6, Journey #4

Well, I woke up to a glorious snow fall today!  AM took off early for work and I was blessed with being able to sleep in and I did until 10 am!  I feel like a teenager again!  However,  I am skeptical.  Why on earth am I so tired lately?  Is it my body adjusting to the lack of carbs I am ingesting these days? I am curious but not so much that I am going to worry about it today.  AM man came home from work and I got busy making us some brunch.  I made this amazing Mexican Omelette! Ok, I’m horrible at omelettes so let’s just call it a scramble ok?  Mexican Egg Scramble.  I diced up red pepper, green pepper, onion and a de-seeded jalapeno.  Then I sauteed them in a splash of olive oil.  On the first one, I forgot to add the chicken taco meat but one the second one I added it at this point.  After the chicken was heated up I then poured 3 scrambled eggs over the mixture and proceed to try to make an omelette.  Nope, I did not really succeed so this is why I am calling it a scramble instead.  Then I garnished each scramble with a dollop of no fat plain greek yogurt, salsa, a few chopped fresh roma tomatoes and a sprinkle of minced cilantro.

Zero Point Mexican Egg Scramble

Since only one had the chicken AM and I cut them in half and split them.  Man, I have to tell you, this whole zero point thing is so not bad at all.  IMO what really made this superior was the cilantro.  I love that herb so much.  I know there are some people that just hate it but me?  Nope, it is my go to!  It was the perfect brunch to give us the energy we needed to go out and shovel snow!

 

Since I already had peppers and onions chopped up I decided to use them to make one of my favorite salads.  I call it Cowboy Caviar.  Many people call it may different things but this is the most appetizing name I think it has!  So basically, I chop up peppers, red, green, jalapeno, sometimes yellow, just really what ever I have and I’m feeling!  I add a can of rinsed black beans, a can of corn, some diced tomatoes and avocado.  I then squeeze the juice of one lime over the whole thing, toss in maybe 1 T. of olive oil and a healthy helping of fresh snipped cilantro!  I toss it up and put it in the fridge for a while and OMG…it is so tasty.  Sometimes people will add other seasoning to it.  I occasionally will too but honestly as it sits it is so fresh and tasty I just eat it right from the bowl!

Zero Point Cowboy Caviar

This was our snack with some fruit today.  I love how I can just grab a spoon and eat what I want of this and not have to worry about measuring it out and stressing over the point value.  I know it is good and healthy for me and that makes me happy!

 

 

 

 

Lastly for the day, AM and I went out to watch our beloved Colts play their second playoff game.  If you want to call it “play”.  Actually, they looked miserable and that made me very sad and disinterested.  It reminded me of this year’s Purdue Bowl Game that we went to Nashville to see. My Boilers just got RAN OVER as did my Colts.  Ugh…but I WILL cheer for those Chiefs because everyone should HATE the Patriots!  At least I will cheer for them right up until they play the Saints.  I ALWAYS will go with my Boilermaker Drew Brees and the NO Saints, unless they play my Colts that is.  So anyway, enough of my fan football talk.  This blog is really all about the food.  So we went out with a group of friends to a great little bar that serves these amazing chicken wings.  They are Big and Juicy, 25 cents on Sundays and 50 cents every other day of the week and COMPLETELY OFF PLAN!  Dang it!  I usually will eat like 6 wings and a basket of fries.  This was a problem for me.  I wanted wings and I couldn’t have them.  So the next best thing I could find on the menu was the buffalo chicken salad.  It said with grilled or fried tenders.  I ordered it with not cheese and not dressing just a side of buffalo sauce which btw I did not use.  Guess what I forgot to order?  Yep, the tenders to be grilled, not fried! Dang it!  But I am here to tell you, it was only 2 tenders so I ate that salad anyway! I enjoyed ever last bite because as hard as I tried to be good and don’t get me wrong, I WAS good, sometimes we mess up.  I did not beat myself up over it either.  That is too hard to do these days and I am not trying to be perfect here.  I am trying to do my best.  There was no need to make a business pay for my mistake nor was it the end of the world.  So yes, I had 6 points today. DANG IT!

Details

Day 6 of 25 of Zero WW Points

Weight:  198.6    DL -1.0   TL -4.6  SW 203.2

Food

Brunch:  Zero Point Mexican Egg Scramble with Fresh Pineapple

Snack:  Banana

Dinner: Ziggy’s Buffalo Chicken Salad with no Cheese and no dressing

Exercise: Nothing to speak of.

 

 

Day 5, Journey #4

So, it’s FRIDAY!!! And I was super excited all day to know that I was going home and just chilling out!  AM was playing cards with the boys and I was not going anywhere.  He, of course, was all concerned about me staying home by myself. lol  He had a friend of mine text me “Wanna come down? Have drinks?”  lol NOOOOO!!!!!  Why is it that sometimes they (men in general) have no idea how much we (women) just want to  have a few minutes to ourselves?  And to have an entire evening?  Blissful.  It’s not that I want an entire evening every night but just sometimes it is good for my soul.  I stopped by the store on the way home and boy was it PACKED! 5-7″ of snow was predicted for the weekend and people around here go crazy at the supermarket.  SMH My friend calls it French Toast weather because everyone rushes to the store for bread, milk and eggs.  One can only assume that everyone plans on making french toast in the morning.  I’m with my AM…we simply cannot fathom this many people in our area not having enough food in their house for 1 day.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I KNOW there is a real issue here.  I’m not discounting that there are truly people in our community that DO have this issue and it breaks my heart.  It really does but I am sure not this many people need as much as they are buying.  This in and of itself is a whole other blog post.  So before anyone get there panties in a wad.  The moral is that the store was packed with crazy people buying bread, milk and eggs and me?  Nope.  I’m buying tofu, everything bagel seasoning, pink himalayan sea salt, roasted red peppers, another can of chickpeas, jalapenos and pickles. Yep, weird, I know.  That’s okay.  I giggled about it in the store but pressed on.  I was on a mission to find something that will curb that need for chips that I have.  Yes, it is the salt but not so much as the crunchy. Fresh veggies are crunchy but not the kind of crunchy I am looking for!  So tonight I am tried out this new recipe I found for tofu chips and I am prayed that it worked!  I also tried my hand at zero point roasted red pepper hummus.  I love hummus on veggies instead of ranch dressing so I’m trying to be able to have some on this zero point journey!

Here are the results:

Tofu Chips

Tofu Chips!  Actually, they have real potential.  As with any new recipe, you learn things and the big thing I learned on this was the thinner the better.  This is not surprising as well as uniform slicing is key to the best product.  I am not surprised at all.  Tufu isn’t exactly madoline friendly that I can tell but don’t put it past me.  I will probably try it out!  The dryer the chips the better so I might even try dehydrating them so a bit in my air fryer then toasting them on the french fry setting.  Also, never store them in a plastic zip lock bag.  They are best just sitting out in the open air I think.  I put leftovers in a zip lock bag and they became squishy over night.  Honestly, that feel and texture is just gross.  I put them in my air fryer on the french fry setting and they were much better.  I will give these another go for sure.

I did not get a picture of the Hummus.  I might add one later as I guess I just forgot to snap the picture.  I still have some in my fridge at home though.  The recipe made ALOT!  I like it, it is very fresh tasting  but I do believe that is a spice that is missing and I will have to figure that one out.  I’ve never made hummus before so it might take me a minute to figure it out but when I do, it will be awesome I promise!

Details

Day 5 of 25 of Zero WW Points

Weight:  199.6    DL +0.8   TL -3.6  SW 203.2

Food

Breakfast:  1 Hard Boiled Egg, Coffee

Lunch: Italian Shrimp with 2 scrambled eggs

Snack:  Banana

Dinner: Zero Point Red Pepper Hummus, Tofu Chips, Air Fried Chicken Breast

Exercise: Nothing to speak of.

 

 

Day 4, Journey #4

So today I could go on and on about my lunch.  I really could.  It is one of, no let’s be real, it IS my absolute most favorite salad that I have be able to turn into a zero point option.  The Taco Salad.

Zero Point Taco Salad

I mean just look at it!  And honestly this wasn’t even making it look pretty.  I probably should have taken a photo of it with all the ingredients separated out and before I mixed in the plain greek yogurt (substitute for sour cream) and salsa that I use as the salad dressing but I was hungry people. When I get hungry you are lucky that I even remember to take a picture at all!

Now if you’re curious as to how I make my Taco Salad so good and yes, AM had one too and he verified it’s deliciousness so I am not speaking just for me, here is how it goes.  First I must say that I use my favorite salad base and I believe that is one of the key things to making anything you love.  Know what you love and use that.  I personally love the baby spring mix lettuce and I like to add in a bit more spinach to it.  I have also been known to add in romaine as well but with all the hubbub about romaine lately I have just avoided buying it even if is available.  Side Note: My child is a romaine lettuce girl.  Ceasar Salad is her favorite so if she is home, I buy the romaine.  I like it too and I find she eats better when I buy the things she likes to eat.  So why not accommodate my child right?  Ok, so back to my Taco Salad.  You have your favorite salad green base then you add the veggies that you like.  Now for a taco salad I usually go with onion (you will find that most every salad I make has onion.  I love them and I don’t care what kind it is.  I use what I have.) peppers (red, green, yellow bell peppers or the small sweet bagged peppers. Again, I use what I have.) avocado (yes, technically this is not WW zero points but I use a 0 point hack. I don’t count avocados.  I don’t eat them in guacamole or on white bread but on chicken or on a salad? 0 points) boiled egg (to me the yoke makes me feel like I’ve put cheese on top) Chicken Taco Meat (Boiled chicken breasts shredded then add taco seasoning and some water and cook it down).  I topped this salad with 2 T or FF Plain Greek Yogurt and 2T Salsa and mixed in like salad dressing! YUM!  I actually forgot my fresh tomatoes at home.  Those would have been perfect on it.  You can also add some corn, black beans, jalapeno’s.  All of those would have made it even better.  Or even better yet, cowboy caviar!

Next I will just go on to dinner because it was tasty as well.  Dinner was our first night hosting people other that AM and I.  His daughter and grandson were coming over for a visit and I always like to cook when they come.  I had menu planned shrimp with italian tomatoes over zucchini zoodles.  I stuck with this concept but modified it slightly from what I have done in the past.  I bought the zucchini noodles at Kroger because I forgot to get the vegetti from Madison the night before.  My sister in law has one and I was going to borrow it before I went out and bought one myself but we got to talking and of course I forgot to get it.  Kroger had frozen raw shrimp on sale for 10.99 for a big 2 lb bag.  They were the big shrimp so I feel like I scored on that buy.  I defrosted roughly 1 pound of shrimp and then peeled them and set aside while I prepared the pasta sauce.  For the sauce I sauteed some onions, peppers, 1 t. minced garlic and mushrooms in about 1 T olive oil (I don’t count points on this either.) and then added in 3 cans of diced tomatoes seasoned with oregano, basil and garlic.  I also added some fresh minced parsley and some kosher salt.  I cooked this down a bit then added the shrimp on top.  The shrimp ended up a bit over done so I suggest that you wait to put them in until about 5 minutes before you plan on serving.  Anyway, if it had been just AM and I, I would have stopped there.  I know he likes chunky tomatoes too but with the baby only being 1 1/2 yo I felt he needed a bit more thickness to his sauce.  I broke out the immersion blender and scooped out some of the tomatoes and veggies and blended them up.  This gave the tomatoes more of a sauce consistency.  After I cooked the zoodles and drained them, I realized that the 4 serving box was never going to feed all of us so I also made some spaghetti noodles for our two guests.

Since everyone ate well, I would say dinner was a success.

Zero Point Italian Shrimp

Finally for the evening we had family time. I cherish this time.  AM and I started cohabitating about 2 weeks before my girl went off to college.  AM has 2 grown children and 1 grandson.  I have always just had my one and only who has always been the center of my universe.  Even when I was married it was pretty much just my girl and I.  People told me that when she left, I would be a complete disaster and that certainly could have been the case.  This last year has been so crazy, difficult and wonderful at the same time.  Without AM and his family I could quite possibly have been a walking disaster. But, I don’t think I am. (And if I am, please don’t tell me!) Both of AM’s girls came over last night and one brought her new BF (whom we like…for now.)  We all get along.  We laugh and pick on each other and dote over the baby.  It’s a new beginning, a comfortable new beginning. I am blessed to be a part of this family.  I am thankful that they seem to like me and they like me with their dad.  Like I said he is a pretty amazing man!

Details

Day 4 of 25 of Zero WW Points

Weight:  198.8    DL -3.4   TL -4.4  SW 203.2

Food

Breakfast:  1 Hard Boiled Egg

Lunch: Chicken Taco Salad

Snack:  Banana

Dinner: Italian Shrimp over Zucchini Zoodles and Fresh Pineapple

Exercise: Nothing to speak of.

Day 3, Journey #4

Day 3 we started being more prepared than the previous 2.  Yes, I know this will ebb and flow with the days, the activities, how I remember what is going on and what I am trying to accomplish.  I remembered to weight in again today!  YEAH!  I lost 1 pound!  Let’s see if this holds right?  Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows that the scale fluctuates and you can’t really do much to control it except starve yourself which if I’m speaking honestly it truly feels like I am.  So there is that.  Today, I looked forward to lunch.  It was a salad with baked chicken, boiled eggs and veggies (mushrooms, red pepper, onion, broccoli and carrots).

Zero Point Grilled Chicken Salad with Zero Point Ranch Dressing

Looks good huh?  The dressing was a zero calorie ranch dressing that I found the recipe on Pinterest.  Here is a link to my Zero Point Board on my Pinterest Page.  Feel free to follow it!  Honestly the dressing is just ok but I know that most of my aversion to it is because it is made with fat free plain greek yogurt which has a certain kind of twang.  I never bothered with this dressing in my previous journeys as I have been a Ken’s Steakhouse Lite Balsamic Vinaigrette  girl.  It is 2 points for 2 T. which in my normal journey is worth the points!  However, on this initial trek of Journey 4 I have committed to zero points through the end of January so this dressing will become my new go to whether I like it or not.  I do have another recipe that I am interest in trying as well.  It is slightly different so I will try it after we consume what we have made.  Additionally I have come across a zero point tatzki recipe that could quite possible work too!  I will keep you posted as I try them out!

The next challenge I faced today was well worth the challenge!  My niece, Madison, is home from college until the end of the week.  I’ve seen her a couple times since she has been home but I like to think that Madison and I have a special relationship.  It’s nothing dramatic but it’s what I think is a pretty strong bond.  If you ever got to meet Madison you would understand that there is absolutely NOTHING dramatic about her.  She is the funniest, kindest, most wonderful soul.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much I treasure her and and how blessed I am to be her aunt.  Anyway, back to the challenge, Madison and I finally had the opportunity to spend some one on one time together.  We met at Bubba’s 33 for dinner and then we went to the Mall and walked!  I picked Bubbas for dinner for 2 reason.  1 because a wonderful co-worker of mine gave me a gift card there and 2 because they have an entree there that I absolutely love and it can easily be made into  zero points.  It is called California Chicken.  I ordered it with no cheese or honey lime sauce and my sides I chose were steamed Broccoli and a side salad with no cheese or potato straws with vinegar and oil for the dressing which I only used the vinegar.  I always feel like many people would judge me or roll their eyes, consider me high maintenance for being so picky but not Madison.  She truly doesn’t care. See what I mean?  NO DRAMA!  I love how accommodating she is to me.  She just goes with the flow and lets me lead the way.

The truth is, everyone needs a Madison in their life.  Find that one person that you can trust, that loves you for who you are and will just go with the flow and then no matter what, keep them close!  I am so blessed to have her and the bonus is she’s my family!  She didn’t get to choose!  rofl

Details

Day 3 of 25 of Zero WW Points

Weight:  202.2

Food

Breakfast:  2 scrambled eggs with peppers & onions

I scramble them in the microwave and throw in veggies.  I scramble the raw egg with a fork and toss the veggies in.  I put them in for roughly 1 min but stop them about 30 seconds in and mix them up again.  Then I watch until I feel comfortable that they are the right doneness.  If you cook them too long them become spongy.

Lunch: Green salad with a boiled egg, baked chicken and zero point ranch dressing

Snack:  Banana

Dinner: Bubba’s 33 California Chicken without cheese and honey lime sauce, side salad without cheese or potato straw and with vinegar for the dressing and steamed broccoli

Exercise: 2 mile walk at the Greenwood Park Mall

Day 2, Journey #4

Yes, again I am not writing this on the actual day.  I’m hoping this post will be rather short as I would like to “catch up” to my actual day. lol

So the first thing I can remember to tell you is that I actually remembered to weight myself this day.  Yes, I do realize that on WW you are not actually encouraged to weigh yourself daily.  Yeah, I get that but at least until the end of the month, I am going to try to remember to weigh myself daily.  It’s just that I am very curious as to how exactly my body will react to the zero point (modified) program that I am embarking on.  Plus AM is also weighing himself every day but more to make sure he isn’t losing too much weight.  He’s pretty thin already! (jerk…just kidding.)

Next thing I must remark on is a Christmas gift.  Ok, yeah, it was kind of like I bought it myself but I did make my 19 year old college student get up on Black Friday Morning at 430 am to go to the store with me and actually use my card to pay for it.  Yeah, it was an Apple Watch.  I have been wanting one since I bought that kid of mine her series 1 Apple Watch 2 years ago.  I would not let myself splurge and get one until this year.  This year, I sold my house and budgeted my Christmas money and decided that I deserved an Apple Watch and I wanted to use it to also assist me in getting healthy. So yeah, I bought one!  And guess what, I AM using it to assist me in my journey!  I can’t even begin to tell you how motivating it is to see the rings on my watch and try to make sure I close the rings each day.  Today was the first day that I actually made a true conscious effort to close all of them and so that drives me to my next subject…Exercise.

Today was the day that AM and I joined/rejoined our local Community Life Center.  I have been a member at Mount Pleasant Community Life Center off and on for several years.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to rejoin again.  I wanted to look at other gyms and explore other options but I also knew that I needed to visit the CLC with AM so that we could get a feel on how it would work for us.  We had already looked at the LA Fitness by our house and I go to the Greenwood Community Center for my Kangoo Class on Mondays so I had a good idea of the pros and cons of all of them.  (I am a big proponent of getting 3 options/quotes/opinions before making decisions) So on this particular day I got home from work, immediately started making dinner and when AM got home I was able to serve dinner then suggest we head to the CLC and pay for a day pass.  We both wanted to get some steps in and this was a perfect opportunity to check out the facility together to see if it would work.  As you know from the beginning statement of this paragraph, it turns out that we decided that it was the best fit for us.  I mean really, how can you beat a year long family membership for $200 that INCLUDES classes, a fantastic walking/running track a larger weight room with more machines and a huge gym that AM can go and shoot hoops at or maybe participate in a pick-up game?  Tonight we walked over 3 miles in under 60 minutes.  Not a great pace but we put in the work and time.  This is how I start.  I’ve done this a few times.  I need to start slow and build up.  This time around I want to me more committed to the activity portion of the WW program.  I KNOW the program works and I KNOW that exercise works.  Maybe, just maybe, combining the two will be the magic potion to make it all stick!

Details

Day 2 of 25 of Zero WW Points

Weight:  203.2

Food

Breakfast:  2 Boiled Eggs

Lunch: Vegetarian Chili

Snack:  Banana and Grapes

Dinner: Baked Lemon Pepper Tilapia with Steamed Broccoli

Exercise: 3 mile walk on the indoor track

Zero Point Baked Lemon Pepper Tilapia with Steamed Broccoli and Carrots

Day 1 of Journey #4

Ok, so I’m not actually writing this on Day 1 of Journey #4.  It’s actually Day 3 of Journey #4 but I kinda want to keep a daily journal-ish of this journey but I didn’t decide to do that until today. So, here I am writing about Day 1 on Day 3. lol  So what is this journey about?  Well it’s my fat ass journey or rather my journey to not be such a fat ass.  If that statement offends you, you might not want to read anymore.

What makes Journey #4 different from Journey’s #1, #2, & #3.  Well, I hopeful that this time I can actually make some more positive lifestyle changes that will actually stick.  Journey #1 I was married with an elementary aged child and I was in a season of sobriety from alcohol. My ex-husband and I went to WW meetings and I ran the roost as far as meal prepping and preparing.  We were extremely successful to the point that I met and exceeded my goal weight and became a Lifetime Weight Watcher Member.  Then life happened and I gained my weight back.  Journey #2 was extremely short lived.  I was a digital member only with absolutely no support whatsoever.  I was in an unhappy marriage and as it turns out, food was my comfort and I wasn’t willing to make the changes necessary to be successful. Somewhere between #2 & #3 I got divorced and was able to resume drinking (My ex-husband is an alcoholic. I had quit drinking to support him in his recovery.  I did not feel the need to continue that path as I was not the one with a drinking problem.) The beginning of Journey #3 was just over 18 months ago.  I attended WW meetings.  I was faithful to the program and worked moderately hard to lose 25lbs. Then I got distracted and started having a lot of fun.  I met an amazing man with a truly wonderful group of friends that have welcomed me into their friend group with open arms and boy do we have so much fun!  In addition to that, my daughter graduated high school, I had to sell my house and I moved in with my Amazing Man (AM).  So about 10 months ago is when I really became distracted from Journey #3.  Since then, I have gained all 25 lbs of my weight loss back and I am really bummed about that.  So, this is what brings me to #4.  #4 is going to be a digital journey BUT a good friend of mine has decided to also do this journey.  It was an independent decision.  I found out on day one that she had decided to join and I had actually started #4 before actually paying for my WW app to go active.  I am so excited to have a friend along this journey with me.

Now #4 is also starting off a lot different than the others.  The truth is I already know how to work the plan.  I know what foods I can eat and pretty much what the portions should be so I can not be so worked up over learning the WW deal and I can jump start my beginning.  I chose to start this week because every year (at least for the last 2 years) my church ( Emmanuel Church) participates in a 3 week fast.  The fast with my church family actually began today. The first year I participated I actually did the Daniel Fast.  It was awesome by the way.  I actually did the Daniel Fast in year 2 as well but it seemed to fall flat for me and was really a deal breaking struggle for me to eat almost completely opposite of what I had been practicing for the last year.  I made it through but I would not really call it successful for me.  It seems that at the end of the fast I was in worse shape dietary wise.  So this year when Fast Time was approaching I started devising a plan to get myself back on track with WW but also keep the spirit of the fast.  So this is how my journey is beginning.  For the next 21+ days I will be eating nothing but 0 point WW foods. PLUS I will partake in no sugar substitutes.  I will allow myself one cup of coffee per day. (Because I drink VitaCup which is a vitamin infused coffee I do not want to give this up.) Other than this one cup of coffee I will only drink water.  I will keep this up for longer than 21 days as AM has also decided to join me in the beginning of this journey and we have also decided to couple the principles of having a Dry January into this journey.

So, this is the plan and this blog will hopefully highlight the goods, the bads and the uglies of it all.  I do not anticipate for this to be easy but through faith, dedication and a focus on God I know that it is possible because “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13

Details:

Day 1 of 25 of Zero WW Points

Weight:  I do not know! LOL  I did not weight in today!

Food

Breakfast:  Banana

Lunch: Grapes

Dinner: Vegetarian Chili and 2 boiled eggs

Exercise:  60 Kangoo Class

I almost forgot

I almost forgot to write tonight. I am super tired and my stomach feels weird. I know why and that is what you all get to read about tonight.

I drive ride share part time in the fall, winter and spring months or dance months. Lol whatever you want to call them. They are the months my daughter dances and when I have a dance bill to pay! So tonight I was out hustling for dance money. (Don’t chicks usually hustle by dancing?) lol I digress. So I was out making some money for dance classes. That is why I am tired. When I got done, I still had points left (I do weight watchers) so I stopped by Kroger on my way home and picked up some Chocolate Almond crunch Halo Top! Omg so so very good. So I then proceeded to eat over half of the pint! Point wise I am fine but my body is not used to processing that stuff so much anymore. I’ve been back on WW for a little over 3 months now and I am down 18.6 pounds. My body enjoys the fruits and vegetables. My taste buds prefer the ice cream! Lol. My dog wants to try the Halo Top and I refuse to share. He’s not happy but my child could care less!

Beef Vegetable Soup, Cauliflower Pizza and Bird Ballz

I have often said that I deal with grief, stress and disappointment in my kitchen. I use my kitchen as a sort of therapy. Usually I bake. Cookies, cakes, quick breads, breads. Carbs carbs and more sugar and carbs. I have self medicated for years with my baking habit and boy does it show.

In May I finally got really fed up with myself. I weighed as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter. Holy Smokes! How do I know how much I weighed? Well, I went back to weight watchers. Yes, back. I am actually a lifetime member. I lost 20 pounds and got to my goal weight around 10 years ago. Now? In May I had 50 lbs to lose to get there again. Was I mad at myself? No. I can’t do that to myself anymore. I have come to realize that to get mad at myself and talk down to myself is completely destructive. How can I expect other people to treat me with respect if I don’t treat myself that way? I can’t so instead of beating myself up and using derogatory self talk, I have chosen a path of forgiveness. Awareness and forgiveness. I am choosing to make BETTER choices not PERFECT choices. I don’t expect myself to stay “on plan” 24/7 365. I do expect myself to make better choices than I have been in the past and to track everything I possibly can.

So how is this working for me? Well, not too bad. I started back to weight watchers with my first weigh in on Tuesday, May 16, 2017. I weighed 199.4. As of today, Tuesday, August 22, 2017 I have lost 18.6 pounds and currently weigh 180.8 pounds. That is 18.6 pounds over 14 weeks which is 1.33 pounds per week! Would I have loved to average 2 pounds per week? Duh. Yeah. But could it have just as easily gone the other way and I actually gained instead of losing? Yep! So listen, I am perfectly content with where I am. I still have a little over 30 pounds yet to lose to hit goal weight but I will get this done. And even after I reach my goal, I will continue to go to meetings.

So how did I come up with the post title? Well, because I therapy cooked today. This is what all I made.

1. Beef Vegetable Soup.

I thawed out a roast potatoes and carrot combo I had in the freezer. I put it in the crock pot with a couple cups of water. I cooked the nonsense out of it, added some great beans, corn and fire roasted diced tomatoes. I seasoned it up and by golly, it’s pretty tasty.

2. Cauliflower Crust Pizza

I’ve been wanting to try this for a while and The Pioneer Woman’s FB post was spot on today so I gave it a shot! Wow was this good! 7 pets for 1/2 the cheese pizza.

3. MudHustler’s Bird Ballz geesh they are pretty tasty as they are. Now I have to figure out what exactly I am supposed to do,with them. I am pretty sure they will freeze well. These will,also make excellent chicken burgers.

So instead of baking tonight, I made healthier choices to curb my therapy.i will bake this week but probably not until Sunday!

I should be asleep…

I should be asleep already. I am tired enough and it is late enough but for some reason I think I should write something. I haven’t written anything in well over 2 years and here I am going 2 for 2. The funniest part is that this is probably just going to be a post about nothing. I’m not really fired up about anything today.

Of course today was the eclipse. I imagine that every body under that big old sun is writing something and posting pictures but honestly, it didn’t get me too fired up. Yes, I went outside and yes, I took pictures but they were unimpressive as most of my pictures are. I am not good at taking photos but just like my singing, just because I can’t doesn’t mean I won’t! Every once in a while I will capture a good shot and every once in a while someone will write a song I really like that is actually in my range and I can sing it.

A bit like my writing too. I’m not all that good or profound at writing. My opinions are not too popular most of the time and my grammar can be just downright awful but again, that doesn’t stop me from writing when I feel like it.

I guess I just figured out what this post is actually going to be about. Doing things because you can, because you want to, because you feel called to is pretty much what we’re are supposed to do in life right? What do they say “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.” Or something like that. Just because we aren’t an expert in something doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. That is how we learn. No one starts off being perfect or the best. We have to work at it. I believe that this affliction is something that has been passed down from generation to generation in my family.

The affliction is perfectionism. The affliction is the expectation that we have to be the best from the get go and that if we have to work too hard for something we just aren’t going to be the best at it ever. I am trying to break this cycle with my child but it is not easy. This need to be the best a things immediately does not seem to be a learned behavior but rather an instinct. The need for control and for perfection seems to also be an instinct. At least I hope that is the case because I will be so disappointed in myself if that is what I taught my child in her formative years and did not even really know that was what I was doing. Honestly, I have not fully figured out how to get over this issue which makes it even that much more difficult to help her navigate through the waters. But this year we will make big strides towards accepting ourselves and our limitations and trying to pick out and identify the important things that will shape our future and concentrating on them. Focus on what is to come and create a game plan of hard work and dedication to get there.

A one year, a five year and a 10 year plan. We will make it!

Where is God in this?

Sigh. I lost a co-worker this weekend. One of my favorites. Were we close friends? No…but I will surely miss him. I will miss his quick smile. The smell of his chicken pots pies at lunch and the easy quick conversations about not much at all.

I kinda knew he was battling something and most days I was pretty sure he was winning. He had to be winning right? He showed up to work every day. He worked hard while he was there and he was a leader. Like all of us, he had his good days and not so good days. Some days he just acted strange but never…NEVER off like mean or anything like that. He was genuinely a nice guy.

A couple months ago he got a promotion. His first week doing that new job on his own he had an accident. An expensive accident for the shop. He made a mistake. So of course that demands a drug test. GUYS…HE PASSED! He couldn’t have known it was coming and he was never afforded an opportunity of time to cover up. I took him to the clinic myself. HE WAS CLEAN! I was relieved. I was thankful.

So how does this happen? I just sincerely don’t understand.

How do I go about life and not let myself believe the signs? Or worse yet, not see them at all? How do time and time again I miss them? This is not the first time I have felt like I have failed at being a friend. Am I THAT self absorbed that I can’t see what is happening around me? Or do I simply choose not to see it? Do I ignore it subconsciously? Or am I so naive that I don’t even understand the signs?

Pastor Danny mentioned in this week’s sermon about how God puts difficult people in our lives for US. So that we can learn things about ourselves through our experiences with them. He also said something that resonated deeply with me because I often think the same thing about going through the same thing over and over again and it is something like this: Man, I really wish I could learn this lesson already. Obviously I haven’t figured it out yet because I’m facing this same issue over and over again.

I can’t help but feel this way about this too.

I lost a dear friend of mine nearly 14 years ago to suicide. I was supposed to go check on her that day as her behavior had become worrisome to my other co-workers and they knew her and I were closer than most other co-workers. I didn’t go. She had addiction issues. I never thought they were all that bad. I was wrong.

I lost my husband 3 years ago. He’s not dead to anyone but me I suppose. I lived with him for close to 16 years and had NO IDEA until the last 3-4 months that he was using heavy drugs. I mean seriously. No clue. I thought he was cheating on me. He swore he wasn’t but he was. Not with a human but with something much worse. Had I figured it out sooner, the end of my marriage might have been extremely different.

Now Nick. I’m pretty sure that even if I figured this one out I would have had no influence over the outcome but what if I could have? Did I miss an opportunity to help a friend like I did in the other situations?

I have so many doubts. Is there a lesson I am missing? Am I failing as a friend? And I failing my God? What is the purpose in all of this? I want desperately to know. I have no idea where to even begin.