I should be asleep already. I am tired enough and it is late enough but for some reason I think I should write something. I haven’t written anything in well over 2 years and here I am going 2 for 2. The funniest part is that this is probably just going to be a post about nothing. I’m not really fired up about anything today.
Of course today was the eclipse. I imagine that every body under that big old sun is writing something and posting pictures but honestly, it didn’t get me too fired up. Yes, I went outside and yes, I took pictures but they were unimpressive as most of my pictures are. I am not good at taking photos but just like my singing, just because I can’t doesn’t mean I won’t! Every once in a while I will capture a good shot and every once in a while someone will write a song I really like that is actually in my range and I can sing it.
A bit like my writing too. I’m not all that good or profound at writing. My opinions are not too popular most of the time and my grammar can be just downright awful but again, that doesn’t stop me from writing when I feel like it.
I guess I just figured out what this post is actually going to be about. Doing things because you can, because you want to, because you feel called to is pretty much what we’re are supposed to do in life right? What do they say “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.” Or something like that. Just because we aren’t an expert in something doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. That is how we learn. No one starts off being perfect or the best. We have to work at it. I believe that this affliction is something that has been passed down from generation to generation in my family.
The affliction is perfectionism. The affliction is the expectation that we have to be the best from the get go and that if we have to work too hard for something we just aren’t going to be the best at it ever. I am trying to break this cycle with my child but it is not easy. This need to be the best a things immediately does not seem to be a learned behavior but rather an instinct. The need for control and for perfection seems to also be an instinct. At least I hope that is the case because I will be so disappointed in myself if that is what I taught my child in her formative years and did not even really know that was what I was doing. Honestly, I have not fully figured out how to get over this issue which makes it even that much more difficult to help her navigate through the waters. But this year we will make big strides towards accepting ourselves and our limitations and trying to pick out and identify the important things that will shape our future and concentrating on them. Focus on what is to come and create a game plan of hard work and dedication to get there.
A one year, a five year and a 10 year plan. We will make it!