Today I am heartbroken and angry. My friend died last Friday night from a heroin overdose. I worked with him but we weren’t close. Today was his visitation, I am so angry at my work place. My boss was away at corporate but there are two other managers hat work there. Neither one of them went to his viewing. I am so frustrated and disappointed about his. It’s not like there are hundreds or thousands of people that work there. There are less than 30.
My opinion? We should have closed the shop at 3pm. Asked for a volunteer to stay on call and then everyone should have gone home, got. Leaked up and headed down to the viewing together. We should have shown up in solidarity and support for this family. We should have shown them how much we did love Nick. Even if it didn’t show in life.
But that didn’t happen. We went on business as usual. We just worked and said oh well. That just sucks. He deserved more than that. He was a good guy. He loved his wife. She loved him.
I am so disappointed.
So, those of you who have known me for a little while may know that I am a salesperson at heart. It doesn’t really matter what I product I have, I like to sell it. As a matter of fact, I sell everything right down to my personality. How and why you ask. Well, I don’t really know the answer to that. Maybe it is because I am a last born. I was always the only girl growing up. I have 2 older brothers and my father was a firefighter at an Air Force Base. My dad worked 24 hours on duty and then had 24 hours off duty. My dad liked his toys and he kept us kids busy by taking us out to play on his toys. My dad’s toys were boy toys. You know things like boats and motorcycles. So needless to say I was always doing “boy stuff” with a bunch of boys. I didn’t have a whole lot of girl friends and I didn’t get to or want to do a whole bunch of girl things. So when I actually wanted to go to girl things I had to be a pretty good sales person. You should try talking 2 boys and a grown man (who often was a lot like a kid) into taking you to the mall to go shopping. Not exactly the easiest thing to do and to be honest with you I wasn’t very successful at it most of the time but this is where I got the majority of my sales training. It is also where I learned to have a thick skin. I got shot down a lot but that never deterred me from trying. I learned what I wanted and I also learned to not give up.
For the most part, those lessons have served me well over my short 42 years. Usually I am pretty good at sales but lately I have been struggling and I am on a journey to figure out why. I could blame the economy (that only lasts for so long), I could blame my circumstance (but then I would have to change them), and I could blame the product. I am certain that I could blame a lot of different things but really what is to blame?
Could it be me? How could it possibly be me? I’m a GREAT sales person! Right? Maybe not. Maybe I am not on the right path. Maybe I am on the right path but the enemy is getting in my way. I don’t know the answer to those questions but what I do know is that I will never know until I actually bring the question to God and then actually listen for his answer.
I am not going to sit here and lie to you. Sometimes I pray before I start my day and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I even pray before I walk in to see a client, more often I don’t. Sometime I just find myself screaming “Oh My God!” to myself in my car after being emotionally beaten down by a day of cold calling. Sometimes I slam the phone down and cuss out the person I was just on the phone with because for some reason I think that actually might make me feel better. (It doesn’t. It just let’s the rest of the people in my office know how frustrated I am that day.) In all of these situations I never seem to listen for his answer.
So I guess the bottom line of this rant is that it is really down to me. I am a salesperson at heart but I can’t sell God on my plan. I have to buy into His plan. His plan for me should be the ONLY thing that I am concerned about. So instead of being the fast talking sales person that I have been all of my life, I really just need to shut up and listen and follow His will for me. Easier said than done? Yeah, you know it is but God doesn’t call me to be perfect, he calls me to be persistent.